I knew that the nursing part of my brain was running in the wrong direction. As I lay in my dark room at 2 a.m., my body wanted sleep, but my thoughts kept hashing through every possible reason for my pain. Trying to settle, I made a conscious effort to “cast my cares” on God. In my imagination I took each possible cause of the pain, put it on a hook, and pictured myself casting it into a lake. Those thoughts, however, seemed to swim right back to me. Even when I repeated the image with more muscle in my technique, my thoughts never relaxed.

The next morning, adrenaline kept me awake. I almost held onto my ministry partner’s waistband as he pushed crowds away. I clung to him as the doors to the clinic opened and a mass of people shoved and pushed to enter the doctor’s waiting room. I cringed at the thought of what I perceived as rudeness as we continued shoving, my big national coworker and I, until we eventually stood with our noses almost touching the door that led to the doctor’s exam room. This foreign land’s healthcare was beyond my limited language and cultural knowledge, and though the situation made me uncomfortable, I knew my coworker had my best as his motive. I could rely on him.

As a worker overseas you’ve most likely been there. You’ve been forced physically and/or spiritually to move forward when you didn’t fully understand what was happening around you. Did the stress keep you from sleep, too?

Peter talks about stress in his first epistle, “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time,” and, “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”

Looking back to that medical situation, I can see that even though I saw the care of God and the blessing of my coworker during the day, the night before my focus had been in the wrong place. There is a connection between anxiety, humbleness, and God’s deep care. I needed to settle my thoughts into that care just as tightly as I relied on my coworker. What I had done instead was trust in my ability to cast anxiety away.

This little part of my life ended happily. I really wasn’t close to death. My pain left quickly, but I’m thankful that the grace God gave me through that experience continues.