“Do you actually ever feel safe?” my counselor wondered aloud, as I shared yet another situation of my hypervigilance. His question ushered in an extended pause as I considered every arena of my life through the lens of safety. 

It seemed significant to me that the underlying question, 

“How was lack of safety affecting my life?” 

could have been asked: 

“Was there any area of life that my lack of safety wasn’t affecting?” 

With safety already identified as one of my highest values, and lack of safety now surfacing as one of my biggest challenges, I knew I had some important work to do.  

Pursuing EMDR treatment with a specialized counselor proved to be helpful in processing years-long trauma held within my body. Meeting with various other counselors and spiritual directors to address specific areas of impact brought clarity and validation. Taking a Brazilian Jiu jitsu self-defense class helped me to regain a sense of agency over my body.  

Safe community, with encouragement to use my voice and to name the truth, contributed even more to my healing. Within a physically safe and spiritually supportive environment, I began to experience the all-encompassing protective love of God in a felt-in-my-body way. 

In her empowering book The Women We've Been Waiting For, Tiffany Bluhm writes: 

"Vulnerability expressed in a safe space makes for a culture of cathartic healing, a true antidote for loneliness. Simply by allowing our stories to be acknowledged, we offer others the opportunity to care for us. Side by side, we inch toward joy and reimagine what life can look like after loss. Not a single soul is promised a cushy income, loving children, or beach vacations in the winter of our lives, but we can bear each other's burdens and so become like Christ to one another."  

When we feel unsafe, our relationships can also feel fragile, can’t they? Living with hypervigilance toward everyone can easily become second nature, even without our awareness of it. Defaulting to caution, guardedness, and self-protection can happen on or off the field, show up outside or inside the home, and result from real or perceived threats. 

Every fear is telling us something and is worth tracing to its core. On our healing journeys, we want to reach the place of acknowledging fear and listening to it, while not letting it “drive the bus.” 

Truly believing and internalizing, within our fearful bodies and souls, our Good Shepherd’s faithful protection enables us to let down our guard one small step at a time, as we grow in brave vulnerability with those who have earned our trust. 

“Certainly Your faithful protection and loving provision will pursue me where I go, always, everywhere. I will always be with the Eternal, in Your house forever.” (Psalm 23:6, The Voice)