I didn’t expect difficult relationships with other global workers to be something that could endanger my emotional and mental wellbeing overseas. My own perceptions and fears can complicate the relationships even further. This is what has been the hardest aspect of life for me as a global worker. Like me, other global workers have their own traumas and issues. And we have to interact with each other on some level to accomplish things, so it gets complicated. When lives intersect, it gets messy and layered with feelings, fears, and biases that feel almost impossible to sort out. Before I moved overseas, I expected difficulties to come in many other forms – and they have – but the other things have been much easier to swallow. Relationships with other global workers have been the most difficult aspect of life overseas for me. I thought it would be something else. 

When I do not understand someone else’s behavior and it appears to be laced with bad intentions or selfish ambition, I start feeling afraid and threatened. What are they trying to do to me? What is their behavior going to cost me? Is the person attempting to control me? It is hard not to live in fear that people are going to hurt me. I’m scared of gaslighting, sneaky attempts at control, and passive-aggressive jabs that leave my emotions and mind bruised.

My past is filled with hurt and I’m still healing. As long as I am alive, I think the healing will continue because the hurt was so big. My past colors my present sometimes. Granted, relational struggles in the present are valid and merit the concern I feel. I cannot be a doormat and chalk every situation up to personal fears because of past hurts. Present struggles should not be diminished. However, my past adds an element of fear that can sometimes evoke the fight or flight response in me. I need to be aware of that as it can affect my perceptions in the present. 

As other global workers and I seek to obey Christ’s command to love God with our whole hearts and love our neighbors as ourselves, I am thankful that I have help and resources to help me process and sort out difficult situations. I am thankful that I am not left to deal with the difficulties of this type of life all alone.