When I married my husband, a national of the country I’m living in, I gained a new title: bauju, which means sister-in-law. Everyone in church calls me this, government workers, strangers we meet in passing, even some of my own local friends. I feel like I became the sister-in-law of the entire country. Suddenly, on another level, I belong here. 

I am so blessed to have been welcomed into my husband’s family so joyfully. His parents counter-culturally treat me as their own daughter and have been supportive of our relationship from the start. However, there have been times when I misunderstood their love toward me and felt rejected and hurt because their ways of expressing care are different than what I’m used to. I’ve been hard on myself and have projected my struggle on them, assuming they are disappointed because I don’t fit the cultural mold of a daughter-in-law.

What I’ve learned through their unconditional love is that you don’t have to fit in to belong. You don’t have to adapt to the culture perfectly to be accepted. You don’t have to understand each other perfectly to give and receive love. 

Belonging comes from extending a hand and reaching toward connection with one another. It is a choice and a sacrifice both on the side of the one seeking to belong and the group they are wanting to belong to. I had to learn to receive the love that my new family was giving to me, which came more in the form of protectiveness and food than the affection and openness I was used to. And they had to also be willing to accept me, despite me looking and acting differently than they had imagined their daughter-in-law would be. 

Not everyone will make the reach toward you, and that’s OK. I’m confident that as we keep extending a hand to reach out for love with an understanding and accepting heart, someone else will extend their hand to grasp ours and pull us in.